We Cannot Change People

One of the greatest frustrations is sharing truth with someone who doesn’t want to change.

This can happen with an unbelieving child, an unchanging husband, or with a super-close friend… Have you tried talking to them a time or two, or five?

It hurts when you know what someone should do, yet they don’t do it.

I recently talked to a leader who told me, “No matter how much I tell people what they need to do, and why they should do it, they pretty much never follow through.”

Why could that be?

Well, let me ask you — how do you feel when people tell you what to do? When they point out what you are doing wrong? How do you feel when advice is thrust upon you? Do you receive or push away?

I can’t help but think — forced-change is resisted.  No one likes being held down and commanded to change.

Yet, Proverbs tells us, “Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise.” (Prov. 15:31)

I want to be wise, don’t you? How do we contend with this verse? I think the notable keyword here are the words: life-giving.

Many of us hit people with a sharp stake of truth and call that life. But, is it? Living-giving without love under them are just cutting demands. These sorts of words tend to shape people into our image, rather than Christ’s.

This is why having love at the foundation is so key. If people cannot see your interest, they will question your intent. And, they’ll likely resist.

But, if they know you understand? They sense that you care? They believe that you want for them a better life? They see the vision, because of your pure heart?

Then, they likely will value what you say.

God instructs us to look at the log in our own eye, before examining the speck in other people’s eye. We should be wise and make sure that what we call-out is not something that we, ourselves, actually walk with.

What about you? Are you wise? Do you speak God’s wisdom in love? Or, do you want others to change so that you can finally be happy with them?

Prayer: God, I need you. I want to listen and heed wisdom. I also want to share wisdom with others in a way that their heart can receive it. Teach me the nuances of this. Teach me how to love in a greater proportion. Give me your heart, your Word and your vision for others at just the right moment. May I be full of grace. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

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