I was sitting on the floor drying my hair yesterday and trying to figure out why I’m here (in Nashville). I felt called here without knowing exactly why or what my next step was going to be. Now here I am, almost three weeks later, still searching for an answer or even a hint.
Usually I feel ungrateful or selfish if I ask God for things – especially because I am sad to admit the last year or so I feel as though when I need help I only pray as a last resort instead of an initial instinct. But as I was drying my hair I realized how crazy that must sound to God. Time and time again in the Bible he tells us to pray and ask him for anything. He is there, anxiously awaiting my prayer (since he already knows what I need anyway) like an iPhone user waiting to see those three precious bubbles pop up.
So I prayed and said “God, you know I get uncomfortable asking for things, but I am done with that. I need something. A hint, a feeling, a confirmation…I need something.”
I’m in that weird transition phase of moving. I’m officially here on my own, waiting for my next breadcrumb. Is it a job? A relationship of sorts? Something at church or in the community? Waiting…
Then he did that awesome thing that he does where a “random” thought pops into my head: “You need to be kind to yourself and be confident in who you are and what you bring to the table.” Oh boy. Not that again (insert eye-roll emoji). I have heard that time and time again – usually in reference to relationships.
Moving away from your friends and family to pursue a purpose that you haven’t fully discovered can be a little intimidating. It is easy – very easy – to run back to old habits or let insecurities creep in.
But this is where God comes back in (as if he ever actually left). I can let those insecurities and uncertainties take over my life here or I can choose to lean into God and trust his plan – the one that includes me living here.
I believe that God is trying to set us all up for success – he is our father after all. By listening to the Holy Spirit I think I figured out my next breadcrumb – self love and confidence. Confidence is intimidating to me because I live my life striving to be as humble as possible. I need to constantly remind myself that being confident is not the same as being conceited. Knowing my worth and loving who I am does not take away from God, it actually puts his work on display.
So I am going to list 5 things I love about myself to remind me that God made me unique and for a purpose far greater than any insecurity I could ever have. I encourage you to do this as well.
- I love that I can remain calm in stressful or difficult situations.
- I love that I find joy in encouraging others.
- I love that I can find something positive to say about ANYone.
- I love my sense of humor.
- I love that I can get my heart broken but still love others.
“Thank you God for making me the person I am. Thank you for the trials you have allowed into my life and thank you for then delivering me from them. Thank you for teaching me to view things on a heavenly scale. I’m sorry for the times when I am too hard on myself. You created me and you love me. Please help me to see myself humbly the way you do. Amen!”
“For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”
By Emily Meadows